bathroom remodeling

Grr...I wanted to go up to my mom and dad's house today. You know, free laundry, free dinner that someone else makes, that kinda thing. I was going to bring Winston... But noooooo...I forgot they're having the bathroom redone and they won't even be staying there! Blah! So now I need to find something new for my son and I to do. My dad thinks the dog park...maybe so. I haven't got many errands to do, guess I could bring him along for a few.

So Rachel and I are going to Costcow this morning. Icky people EVERYWHERE! ACK! No bueno. Maybe if it's really bad I can hide their carts like Gabrielle says. Hmm...

Lewis is getting so big! I can't believe him! I think he's bigger than Silver, and he isn't even a year old yet! He's cute as hell, but when he starts licking my fingers early in the morning I want to turn him into slippers...

I got a Matchbox 20 cd in the mail from half.com the other day. I love it. It reminds me a lot of last year, working at the hospital, listening to these songs on the fabulous central valley radio stations. Really, I don't know why Sonoma County has such lame ones, for the most part. The valley is so much less civilized in so many ways, but they have our radio beat, totally. This time of year is kind of hard for me, a year ago now I was just finding out that she was cheating, and trying madly to hold it together. There were good days when she'd try to convince me that everything was going to be okay. We'd drive up to Columbia, or to breakfast at Latif's. But then there were the other days when she would flake on bringing me dinner, and I wouldn't hear from her at all for a couple of days, and I would know she was staying with Susie. Sometimes she'd call and tell me she was with Susie. And then there was the suicide attempt, the hospitalizations, I think there were three, or was it four? And all those drives back to Sonoma in the middle of the night, falling asleep at the wheel. I didn't have anything for me here, either, but it was like I had so much pain there I just had to get away.

And then I ended it all, put it as far as I could behind me. I knew it wouldn't stay away forever, but I had to survive, so I shoved it all back. It seems like a different life, there's so much psychological distance placed in between. But chronologically it's not even been a year, and the person I was there is still here somewhere.