Yesterday I sat at the absolutely perfect Healdsburg dog park for almost two and a half hours. And you know what? I'd do it again today if I wasn't working. At first I sat and talked with an ever so sweet woman about nursing, but after she left I was alone. It was lovely. Winston and I sat alone for hours, him rambling around investigating the place and chasing balls I'd pitch for him and me enjoying the sun shelter and journaling. I have this exquisite red leather journal that I bought last year when I was in tech aide school in Redwood City, a couple of months before I went to PCT school in the same place. Before I moved away from Sonoma County several years ago I journaled every day, on paper, and blogged almost as much. I've gotten out of the habit of journaling regularly, for the time being my blogs are more in the forefront. There's something special about my paper journal, though. I discovered all sorts of interesting things yesterday as I wrote. For instance...I'm realizing that I have a bit of a rebellious streak. Shocking, I know. It's just that I never really thought about it that way since I was a teenager in Sebastopol. *smiles, remembering* The fact is, though, I still have it. I like to challenge certain rules because I want to be the bad ass that got away with...whatever. I like to beat certain systems, you see. Part of me says this is immaturity, but I prefer to think of it as "spirit." Yes, I am very high spirited. :-P

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When I blog I am sometimes compelled to censor myself. Frightening, no? I know others have the same problem, and in fact I've read a book that refers to that very phenomena. Dev and I have devised a way to almost completely beat the censor, but it doesn't apply here, sadly. I bring this up because I'm realizing that the part of me that censors my writing is the same part that calls my rebellious spirit immaturity. It is the nasty, self-doubting, concerned with public opinion part of me, and I don't like it. I'll admit that the censorship serves a purpose at times, but in general, it offends good writing. I've decided to name the censor. I'm considering several names, but haven't settled on one yet. Any ideas?

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music: Just What I Needed, the Cars

tea: Darjeeling

mood: strangely serene