I Wish I Were Dead

I just hit a cat. It was on the freeway coming home from yet another hell day at work. I saw something flash blue or green up ahead, barely had time to register what it was, realize if I swerved I would hit the truck in the next lane at 70 mph, and know I couldn't avoid it. And then it happened. All within a second. It was awful. It happened so fast I wanted to tell myself it didn't happen, but it did. I felt this big, sickening thud when I hit it. God, it was the most horrible thing. I would rather hit a person than an animal. I hope to God it didn't suffer... I console myself thinking that as fast as I was going and as big of a thud as it was the kitty couldn't have survived long enough to suffer, right? Ohhhh...this is the second time this has happened to me, but the first time I was going like 30 and it was on Cloverdale Blvd. It was years ago in the middle of the night. Fucking stupid people letting their animals run free outside. I was traumatized for like 2 years after. Here we go again. And this, the second day I have my car. I feel so horrible, I want to call someone but all you people are sleeping, damn you! Godddd, I just want to cry/die/pop some valium!!!

*cries*