finally about to finish the unfinished...

K and I recently exchanged a few of the only functional and honest bits of conversation in our almost two year relationship. There was essentially no abuse, and no lies or head games that I am aware of. And that, my friends, is the best that I or anyone else can ever expect from Kristin.

I've been thinking a lot about what happened, this time last year is when it was all ending. And so it ended, but it was never finished. I was afraid to finish it, I didn't think I could. I'm still afraid, but I will finish it now. I am finally going to sever all ties with Kristin, and for good. I see that what I've been doing for the past year has been nothing more than an extension of what I did for the months before I left. I held on, wanting to keep whatever I could of her for as long as I possibly could without killing myself. After a while I knew that leaving was inevitable, but I wanted to stay as long as I possibly could. And now I need to stop it.

I want for this to be the final step that makes the pain and the questions nothing more than memories. I'm thinking that this is unrealistic, even as badly as I want it. And so I'm working to accept that it's just another step. I've only had to make this particular step once before, when I finally had the truck packed and I finally got in and headed out of town. And now I'm doing it again, only this time it's a little easier, because I have rebuilt the rest of my life. So here goes, once more and then never again.