Αίγες που τρώνε τις τηγανίτες

Is that not the coolest title you've EVER FUCKING SEEN?! You know what that is? It's "Goats Eating Pancakes" in Greek. It's true, I swear. Smashing, really. So I was at Aroma's again tonight, hanging out with Gotti and looking for Monkey. I was hoping that Monkey could get me out of a little predicament I'm in. But that's another story, and believe you me, it's classified. Anywho, Gotti and I were sitting outside on one of the only benches open after 8. Fascists. But I digress. A couple walked up and proceeded to loudly slurp and chew one another's respective faces off. Then they walked a bit further and did it again. And again. It was fucking UNBEARABLE! Then the girl sat in the remaining chair, right smack in the midst of all us outside kids and her boyfriend stood behind her, every few seconds leaning forward to lap and gnaw at her some more. Honest to God, you could hear them in Sebastopol. It was unreal, it really was. I was confused. Out of the entire sidewalk in front of the coffeeshop, out of the entire parking lot, out of the many dark, deserted places Railroad Square has to offer, what exactly made them choose the most populated place to make out? And furthermore, could they not have tried to hold down the noise? Said noise was in fact quite comparable with that of goats eating pancakes. Or perhaps I should say "Αίγες που τρώνε τις τηγανίτες." Yep, that was the inspiration for the most fabulous title ever. Sadly, that is the only good that came of the vile displays between the happy couple.

Now I know what you're thinking...you're wondering how I can be such a hateful, bitter hag. I'm not, at least not right now anyway! My gripe is not so much that they were snogging in public. My gripe is that they were snogging so damned LOUDLY! I mean, they weren't dry humping for Pete's sake, it wasn't that. But fuck, man! Do we all have to HEAR it?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I think the lesson here is this. BE CIVILIZED, DAMN IT! We've all been blissfully smitten kittens, and we've all been unable to abstain from smooching our beloved in public. But for the love of sanity and the avoidance of nausea among the surrounding masses, let's do our very best to keep the PDA's in the inaudible and circumstantially appropriate range. Thank you and goodnight.


"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
-Matt Groening (1954 - ), "Life in Hell"