a slacker day at work and something that won't go away

Yayyyy, easy day at work. I did transonics, a computerized test on fistulas and grafts (yes I know that doesn't make sense to almost anyone). I did them allllll day except when I was busy fooling around, shmoozing, and wasting time in general. Tonight after the last patient left Craig and I got into a biiiig waterfight that began with 10cc's of saline. And then I brought out the big guns. I've discovered that 30cc syringes make absolutely stunning water assault weaponry. Unfortunately for my scrubs, lab coat and hair, Craig learned that using the liter bag of saline is even better yet. But 'ya know what? In case you were interested, the 30's have a much better aim and pressure. Yup. I feel that we've begun a war. The other night he shot me with saline while I was taking someone off. *giggle* I was totally defenseless, couldn't react other than sticking my tongue out at him...if I'd tried I woulda wound up covered in blood. Blah. But my little friend paid dearly today. Never start a waterfight with a woman who grew up in a fire station. Very scary.

In truly unrelated news...

and before I dive in, allow me to expel any ego, presumption, or any other such misinterpretation...the person I am referring to next is not Craig, he is a great friend and that is all. It also is not my ex.

Have you ever met the person who is everything you had dreamt of in your childhood and adult life? And I'm not referring to "rich and single." I mean the kind of things you hold so dear that they remain only in your innermost heart? Your heart of hearts, as Jason would say. They remain there until you meet this person and realize: this could be it. And this person is so like you, everything you actually like about yourself, the things you manage to be proud of and thankful for, this person has these, too. And not only that, this person is what you strive to be in so many ways. And you know, regardless of what others tell you, you know once again in your heart of hearts, this is it. I'm not going to find anything more, anything better. I have found this. It's something I never thought existed, only in my dreams. But it does exist. Just not to me. My dream exists for someone else. And so I see my dream, and part of me is so happy that there is this kind of light left in the world, it's so incredibly beautiful. And part of me is sad because I can't ever have it. I don't want to believe why I was able to experience it, only to know that it can't ever be. But I have a theory. (I always have a theory.) My theory is that now I know. Now I don't have to wait any longer. Now I don't have to hope any more, and look for the one that could complete me. I don't have to look because I've already found. But you can't keep what does not belong to you, even if it was made to fit you perfectly.

And it's hard sometimes. Because no matter how rational my theory is, no matter how much of an odd sense of peace I have in this truth, I keep wanting to scream out at the cruelty of it. But on I go.

g'nite