Tonight my brother flipped out. Those of you that know me well are thinking "and?" He flipped out worse than he ever has before, at least around my parents. Sean is getting more and more dangerous. Where I used to just think he was a worthless junkie, now I know he is a worthless schizophrenic junkie. Yay. The other day I walked into my parent's basement to throw some laundry in and he was making a weapon of some sort. I know this probably sounds funny to most of you. It probably would to me too if I wasn't related to Sean. And it becomes less funny no matter who you're related to when you imagine that it was in the house of two of the most loving, wonderful parents the world could offer. Parents who would die for Sean, even at his worst. Which, looking at my watch, is evidently tonight. Of course every day around Sean brings a new worst. Tonight he destroyed my parents front yard, bashed in the windshield of my dad's car, and they won't tell me what else. They never tell me the worst of it.

So here I am, back at home, doors and windows locked, praying he won't find out where I live, praying he's too psychotic to recognize my car if he walks by, and realizing that maybe the reason I'm hesitant to walk the dog late at night is not because of the stupid wanna be gang members up here. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of running into my brother.
And you know what? Those gang losers are stupid, they're below contempt, and they're worthless as well. But I'd rather run into them than my brother. At least they're relatively sane. The police are out looking for him and my parents are going for a restraining order on Monday. God I hope they don't back down. One day he'll kill someone. You know those news stories about the innocent families that are murdered by their deranged relatives? Tonight as I came home and I had to walk into my alley to get my garbage can. I felt like he could be coming for me. I wondered, is this what it's like? Waiting for the inevitable? I'm tired of this. I wish he would go away and never ever be seen or heard from again.