My mind is in a dreamy state...it has been nearly all evening really. In an attempt to come back to the sad state of reality that is my life, here I sit blogging and listening to Beck sing "Loser." Ohhhhh yes, songs of my reckless youth. Which album was it? It was Mellow Gold re-mixed basically. Ohhh it was fabulous. Rachel, you should know, although how either of us could remember after the days and nights spent in the paint shed revelling in...well we remember that part anyway. ;-) We used to listen to The Presidents of the United States of America, Beck, White Zombie, all sorts of smashing stuff. Ohhh, those were the good old days. You know? I can still smell the paint shed and feel how cold it got at night. Odd that I remember it so vividly, huh?

Haha, amazing what a Beck song can bring back, huh? Remembering those times, it seems like a whole other life. Another person, even. No cares, nothing dragging me down, no pain searing the soul, not yet.

So I'm reading Anais Nin, did I already blog about it? She is amazing. It seems she had some lezzie tendencies. Fascinating....

She is an absolutely exquisite, lovely author. Everything she says is quoteable, and she somehow manages to capture me in single lines. Incredible.


So we said goodbye to Mae last night. *sigh* It was very difficult. I was proud of myself, I managed to relay a message from a coworker without crying. This nurse told me to tell her she'd miss her, to wish her a good journey, and that she'd see her again. What a beautiful, tragic message to relay. It was well received, and it was an honor taking care of her for the last time. It was really an amazing experience. She's so at peace, so surrounded by love. We all hugged and kissed her goodbye, said all we wanted to say, and then she left. We nearly all wound up outside smoking, but we got through it.

I told Mae I'd see her when I see her. Marisol said she hoped she'd get there. Mae smiled up at her and said "you know dear? all you have to do is believe." And you know what? She's right.

Here's to Mae...
*raises the cosmopolitan I wish I had*

music: Omaha, Counting Crows