The other night I told Gotti "I don't think they like our kind here" So he responds with "I don't think they like our kind anywhere."

True.

My new favorite line: "You use your tongue purtier than a $20 whore!" And for the record it's in reference to eloquence, sickos. Isn't it divine?

I've decided that I loathe people who use the word "conversating." I think the penalty for this should be immediate sterilization. I do.

the good news and the bad news

WOOOHOOOO! The good news is that one of my favorite patients is very likely at this time under the knife getting, or is hopefully now recovering from, a kidney transplant. He is so one of my favorites, and in fact so young, that I've adopted him as my baby, my son, even though he's only 5 years younger than me. I love this boy, he is my pride and joy. Not that I see him outside of the unit, but he's my angel nonetheless. He's a good boy. And now, assuming all the tests came through, the kidney was good, and it doesn't reject, he'll have a good kidney to match. It's the rejection I'm worried about. The other stuff doesn't matter, because if this transplant doesn't go through he's still at the top of the list. But a rejection is a whole other animal. Blah. Anywho, I feel as nervous as if he really were my child in there and I was being very badly informed by the staff. It's very exciting though. Now if my other favorites (you know who you are) can get theirs, we'll be all set.

The bad news...Saturday is going to suck. I loathe, I mean realllly loathe two of the three people I will be working with. It's going to be the proverbial train-wreck. That one in, what, Tokyo? is going to have NOTHING on the one I'm walking into Saturday afternoon. Smashing. And that's only part of the bad news. HAHA! I'm being vague again. Verrrrry interesting. But STUPID!

I need a new zip code.

Your Papal Name is Pope Honorius V

You would continue the Conservative traditions of recent years and continue the work of John Paul II... In fact, are you sure you aren't Cardinal Ratzinger?

Get your own name at What's My Papal Name?

I'm watching American Beauty, right? Haven't seen it in a while, needed something to watch while I attempt the evil math homework, blah blah blah. It's a lovely movie, one of my very favorites. But you know? Despite the fact that I've given up on it ever happening, I want someone to adore me enough to burn my name into the lawn. Wait, now that I think of it...considering Schwan's Man and my enamored patient...it would have to be someone cool. I think you'd have to be either extremely cool or frighteningly psychotic to burn someone's name into a lawn. Your average, run of the mill lecher wouldn't think of either. Perhaps if I ever encounter someone appearing to meet my standards I should verify it by whether or not they burn my name into their lawn.

Exciting New Feature o' Julie-Land....

Okay, let me start off by saying WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!? I mean, I am very happy with the amount of comments I get, but jeepers! Where are you people today! I wanna hear what you think of my run-in with the Schwan's man! Get with the program! And furthermore, you're not blogging enough, any of you. Especially Stacy..

Right. Onward I go.

So the exciting new feature of Julie-Land is this. I'm going to have a poll! If today is any indication it's going to fail miserably, but it seems like it'd be fun if it worked, so here goes....

I need all of you, friends, ex's, random people, everyone to comment and tell me how I should handle icky Schwan's man. Should I A.)narc the bastard out and get him fired? or B.)overlook the whole thing and quit ordering Schwan's or C.)You tell me...

Comment away pets....

I am not in love with my Schwan's Man!

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EWWW! Ewww! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! YUCK YUCK YUCK!

*gag*

*retch*

*hurl!!*

Wow. I am so not in love with my Schwan's man anymore. HE HIT ON ME!
He comes into my house, tells me (after some b.s.) that he thought I was hot since the "first time I saw you." Then he proceeds to tell me that he and the freako weird guy he brought here training last time had a lovely discussion about just how hot I am. Niiiice. So then, he wanted to know if I was single, all the usual crap, and then proceeded to inform me that this was all strictly off the record, Schwan's has a policy about not dating customers. I'll just bet they do. Then he decides to notify me that he is, in fact, married with two children. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! He then says "I can see a reaction there. Tell me, what does the whole 'married thing' do for you?"

*insert speechless, horrified Julie face here*

And please, how often am I speechless?

Exaaactly.

I explain that I'm really not into the whole "married thing," and he's like "no, I absolutely understand!" His understanding, however, didn't prevent him from telling me all the days he'd be up here, saying to keep his number, and that I could call any time, day or night and he'd answer.

Wowwwww.

it's even funnier without explanation....

Hey,
I just called you, but yoo not answering. You must have decided to
go drink a beer instead of write that paper. I don't blame you.
I'll get my meat out of you later,
hee hee.
Dev

somebunny loves me

It's true. I am loved. I am loved by someone who thinks I am beautiful and smart and kind and all around amazing. And he tells me so. He valiantly jumps to my rescue and defends me to whomever he sees giving me a hard time, even when I'm not there. He loves me whether I am near or not, whether I'm happy and perky or not, no matter what. He serenades me with beautiful Spanish love songs. But before we call and order a ring from Tiffany and Co. know this: he is a patient, an essentially homeless, unemployed, completely irresponsible loafer. He's over fifty and has nothing to show for it. Almost. He embarrasses me with his attention, I feel like crawling under the desk at the nurses' station when he sings to me, and if I ever saw him outside the unit I'd hide. But the one thing he has to show for his age or life or whatever is that he knows how to love. I didn't realize it until tonight. There is this fabulous line in the film Adaptation...the weirdo twin brother says something to the effect of "it isn't about who loves you, it's about who you love." He was talking about this chick he was totally in love with in high school or something. He worshipped her and she made a joke out of him. Been there done that. The joke, I mean. He knew that she made fun of him, but he loved her still. He decided that he wasn't going to let her stop him from loving her. I think the idea is that you can't make anyone love you, you can't control how they feel, but if you can love someone, do it, regardless of whether or not it is reciprocated. And that is what this patient does. He knows he doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, and he knows that my coworkers tease me about him. So in a way I guess he probably feels like a joke, too. But it doesn't stop him. And it makes him happy. It's sweet, really. And it reminds me of that line in Adaptation and how I should love unabashedly, too. Why should we only love when we get something in return? Is that even love? Compelling, no?

I'm missing the Apple Blossom Festival

Blah, I forgot all about the Apple Blossom Festival and more importantly the parade! This is fascinating because I was discussing it only yesterday with a patient. Jeepers though, that was a whole eternity ago it seems. At any rate, I'll be going to bed much too late to get up that early, drive alll the way down there, hang out, have a lovely time, and then go to work. *sigh* It's a shame. I could use it. I was talking with my ASL teacher this afternoon about bellydancing (it's a long story) and I was telling him about this smashing troupe in SF. He was like "I miss out on everything, it's always work, work, work." I feel that way too.

So yesterday afternoon I smacked my ankle on a lame O2 tank cart thingie thing thing thing. It's like solid steel and weighs approximately 18,064 tons. There's this plate that sticks out that the tank sits on, but it sticks out farther than said tank, and somehow I managed to bang my poor yittle ankle into it. It hurt like hell at the time, and I recall thinking "hmm, I bet I'll have an impressive bruise from that move!" But alas, no bruise. I had somehow managed to forget about it until this morning when I smacked it into I don't know what in the exact same spot. It hurt like hell, if you're interested. Don't you wish you were cool like me? Admit it, I won't think any less of you.

So I've been really into Pink Floyd lately. Maybe I'm depressed, I always associated it with that. Hell, I should be.

I have a few new lines to add to the "Julie's Smashing Lines" file after hanging out with Jason tonight. I'm not too terribly in the mood, though.

*sigh*

radio, beautiful radio

I've just been informed by my pal Spencer that I'm not just an obnoxious radio groupie...*whew* This means that he must actually somewhat enjoy talking to me. Imagine!

So his producer Will was supposed to come up and install a phone jack for me, right? Welllll, it seems our pal Will isn't working there anymore! Egads, who knew? Explains why he hasn't been up, huh?

Ohhh! Guess what?!?!?!?!?!? I got my math grade and my ASL midterm grades today. I got an A in ASL on my last test and for the class grade as well. WOOHOOO! And in math? It isn't great, but I have a B in the class, and YIPPPEEE!!! I got an A on the test I took yesterday! Who the hell woulda thought? This means that I can most likely bring the grade up to an A by the end of the semester without too much stress. Yayyyyyyyyyyy! My 4.0 will be back! Assuming I can pull an A outta my hat for psych....egads..I need to check on that last test. I'm scared!

Wild Kingdom meets North Dutton

Remember when I wrote about Craig worrying that if we left the side door of the unit open "wild animals might run through?" Remember that? Well tonight we found said wild animals. It's true. From another dimension appeared a flock of wild turkeys, hanging about the wilds of Tesconi Circle. Seriously, there was a whole slug of the bastards. What the hell were they doing there? And just where the hell did they come from? Weird, huh? But amusing, nonetheless.

One of my patients was telling me about his weekend in Tahoe. It sounded superb. Mmmm, snowalicious.

I...ughhh, I know I'm going to regret saying this. But now that I think of it, who cares? I can always delete this entry later! I have decided that I give up. I give up looking for the right person. I know what I want, I don't want to settle, and you know what? It just isn't feasible. I have decided that the person I want does not exist. So why torture myself? It's kind of liberating. Must...be...strong! It kinda sucks, too.

*wink*

I've had a migraine since last night. It sucks. I've been on the verge of hurling all day because of it. So I went to the neurologist before work, right? I got shot full of novacaine in the upper neck this time as opposed to the scalp. It hurt worse, in a way. And you know what? It didn't help for more than an hour, tops. Anyway...the chief of the neurology department, my doctor, essentially told me that I have exhausted all treatment options except a couple of really psycho scary ones, like a series of 30 injections of botox into my head to paralyze the muscles of the scalp for about three months when I would need to do it all again. Assuming it worked at all. Wow, sounds like fun! The worst part of all of this is that despite all these treatments I have exhausted I have yet to find anything that works more than once or twice. I feel so hopeless and depressed, like I'll have this debilitating pain with no hope of relief for the rest of my life. Niiiice. I'll feel less depressed tomorrow if the headache is gone, though.

where has all the apathy gone?!

So we're having this game at work for the patients. It's essentially Clue. (PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!! CRASH!!!) The secretary Evelyn, aka Evil-lyn, took pictures of all of us, making one of the nurses, Dee (who deserves a whole blog entry someday, egads) the victim, and the rest of us suspects. She also took pictures of various objects around the unit that could be the weapon. Little by little they're issuing clues as to what happened, and the first patient (or patients maybe) to guess get a prize or something. The point of all of this is imminent, I assure you. So Evil-lyn made up names for all of us as characters of the game, right? She chose words that worked with our real names, like "Spacy Stacey," "Malcontent Marisol," "Crazy Craig," etc, etc. I am "Jealous Julie." The whole thing is very entertaining for some of the staff who insist upon running 'round and calling us by our character names. The especially witty ones ask questions like "Why are you so jealous, Julie?" followed by a dumb, I-should-be-sterilized guffaw. Each time I find myself pointing out that I am not, in fact, jealous. At least not that any of them know about. *smile* I point out that I am more apathetic than anything. At first they look confused, and then they say "but that doesn't have a J on it!" "No, you're right. That's a very astute observation. Thank you. I'll have to reconsider."


Apathy is a beautiful thing, or it can be anyway. I want to develop an apathy towards certain people. Does anyone know how to do this? Really, I'm seeking a decent, valuable answer, not an exhibition of sociopathic tendencies.

Well, off I go to study for a math test. Heehaw!

smashing

Okay, I know I've listed this link before, but humor me. Go to:

http://girlsarepretty.com/

Once you're there, be a lamb and scroll down to:

Take Off Your Brassiere While Your Shirt's Still On Just Like That Whore From Flashdance Day!

It's worth your while.

*smile*

In an unrelated note, someone called me "a little bit of sunshine" yesterday.

ROFL

ROFF (maybe later)

Pomo Memories

So I went back to an old blog entry from September to read about Pomo. I couldn't 'member what the divine crikey-style boy's name was and it was vexing me. DANNY! His name was Danny, haha, presumably still is. Anywho, I had linked Rachel's corresponding livejournal entry into mine and I went back and perused it. FABULOUS! So to get Rachel's interest rekindled and to entertain myself I'm pasting the whole lovely thing hyah. Oh, and by the way, for those of you who don't know....I'm Bug. And several variations thereof...


Current mood: drunk
Current music: Whatever the Coastie's are blasting in the parking lot

Huuuuuuung Ooooooooooover
Bug and I went camping last night at Pomo. I love love love Pomo, it's sooooo beautiful. We got there right on time and got one of the last campsites. It was the second one back but it had quite a few trees around it so it wasn't totally open. We set up camp, ruined my rain fly because I had the brilliant idea of dragging in our firewood on it, started up the fire (mostly Julie because I didnt know how) and heated up our chicken for dinner. It was really yummy, balsamic vinegar and rosemary, mmmmmmm. Then we made s'mores :) Gotta have s'mores. mmmmmmm s'mores. We also had our Apricot Ale and Corona, a sixer each ;) So we were just sitting around, drinking our beOer and laughing and out of the darkness came A-a-r-o-n! An extremely drunk coast guard that came camping with a bunch of his "coastie" friends. He stayed for a while and loudly and drunkly chatted with us. Then he left and came back shortly after with Rozallo the magic guy. We attempted to play Sorry but couldnt keep track of turns (and the alcohol flowed) so we tried A$$hole instead. It was much more fun, then when that got old, Rozallo started doing magic tricks! Most of them were pretty obvious but he had a few really good ones. He was a fun (and kinda cute) guy. By the time they left we were pretty tossed and we were laughing even louder and having a good ol' time when they came back again! But this time they had Danny (a hot, male, Julie personality clone), the super fine mexican that had never had a s'more before who's name I could never hold on to (but I think it started with an A), and the black guy from New York. We had a great time showing the mexican how to make s'mores, watching Rosallo do magic tricks, listening to A-a-r-o-n's drunken ramblings and jokes, and of course, drinking as much as we possibly could whenever we wern't laughing so hard it would have come out our noses! Julie and Danny got along so well I was wondering if he was going to stay faithful to his fiance ;) Once they decided to leave we figured that it was the end so we stared talking and drinking ourselves and thinking no more of it. Oh no, Danny had other plans, he came back maybe 5 min later by himself and brought us more beer :) He and Julie chatted about krill and crawfish and lobster and how people fell into the three intelligence categories, who knew shellfish could be so much fun! After about 20 min. A-a-r-o-n came back with another friend, double A-ron and, get this, a tazer! Talk about a dangerous combo! Young coasties + lots of alcohol + a tazer = tons 'o fun. A-a-r-o-n was having a good ol' time zapping himself and double A-ron on the arm. Boys, do they ever learn? When they left we decided it was time for bed. I guess we should have packed up our food a little better though because as soon as our lights went out, the racoons came out! I was up ALL NIGHT because of those little ass-tards!! I could hear them getting into our stuff but I was soooooo exhausted I couldn't even move, let alone scare away the raccoons! In the morning our site was completely wrecked! No food went un-touched. they opened our un-opened chips, dug the sandwich remains out of the garbage bag, unzipped our little insulated cooler bag and ate the hotdogs (unless Julie got hungry in the night ;) ) and our poor innocent marshmallows were nowhere to be found!
All things considered we had a fabulous time and I for one cant wait to do it again! Though I could really do with out the brain-bashing hangover it left with both of us!






Hahahaha...tooo funny. I rarely drink, and rarer still do I drink to excess. But I have had a couple of hangovers in my time. And ya' know what? No hangover has or could ever touch the one I had after that weekend. I was dead for like 4 days!! 4 DAYS! Egads! But it was worth it...*sigh*

I've had a very productive day. Well, sort of. I did an obscene amount of weeding (eww) and planted some stuff in my garden, ran errands, went to Mass (egads, twice in a row!), finished a lame math assignment, and made the most fabulous risotto I've ever had. Okay, granted, I haven't had hardly any risotto before, but it was divine nonetheless. I'm still avoiding the lame english paper..ugh. It's ridiculous, no?

Yesterday I was pretty damn functional as well. I won't bore you with (another) day's activites, but suffice to say I enjoyed mowing my lawn. *GASP* You heard it here first, mi amigitos... I've learned that the old fashioned push mower is ever so much more civilized than those wretched gas powered things that belch out noxious fumes and require superhuman abilities to start, let alone push through the jungle that is my yard. And the noise? Crikey.

Speaking of crikey...Rachel, if you still read this we need to figure out when to go Pomo Canyon-ing. ASAP, lady! And I expect our Coastie pals to be there again, damn it! Expecially what's-his-bucket. What the hell was his name? God, he was soooooo COOOOOOOOOOOL.

So I think I'm going mad. I still have essentially all the problems that have been making my life miserable for months...but there's this weird...peace that's come over me. I mean, I still stress. But I just feel...better. Jeepers.

I'm thinking again about changing blog sites. I found a faboo new server but I need to see if I can make it work...

Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

So one of the little rubber feet on my dsl modem is bound and determined to come off.

How sad is it when I'm excited to see gas for $2.47 a gallon? Unbe-fucking-lievable.

I feel as though I've been asleep for the past...years and I'm just now waking up. Or kinda half-assed waking up. Like when you're half asleep and half awake in the morning, right? It feels like I've been beneath a veil for the past decade and I'm starting to see glimpses beyond it. Only I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm an adult. So what does this mean? Does this mean I have to give up my not so inner child? God, I hope not.

Have you ever felt like you were right on the cusp of something incredible and beautiful and grand? Like you almost wanted to wait longer for whatever it was, just to relish the feeling a little longer?


music: Today, Smashing Pumpkins

Queer as Folk

Oh it's the most fabulous show ever. Smashing! Ohhh my though, Lindsay just cheated on Melanie!! WITH A MAN! AAAACK!

I am sooo happy I have tomorrow off. Yayyyyy. I'm going to do that...relax...thing. Coool. I still have a lot of homework, but I knocked out two tests today, so that's fabulous. Once I finish the evil english paper and do some math I'll be good for the weekend.

I had something profound to say. But alas, I forgot. C'est la vie. Maybe next time.

Ahhh Decompression.........

So today was my friday. From work I mean. I have two tests to take tomorrow at school, neither of which I've so much as glanced at the books for, let alone cracked 'em. It's true, and I don't give a damn. Nope. Well at least not at the moment. Craig and I sat in the car and talked for a bit after work. It's common for us, but we decompressed a hair more than usual tonight. So I just don't give a damn about any of the things I should care about right now. It's nice. They'll all come back tomorrow as soon as I open my eyes, but for a few blissful hours I'm apathetic. It's lovely.

Work flew by this week. It usually does when I work my four in a row combined with school. I am very much looking forward to time off. I need it, my house looks like...yuck-o.

Screw you guys, I'm going to bed.

I'm in Love With My Schwan's Man

Okay, well not exactly in love. I mean, it isn't as though I'm attracted to him. He's just fabulous. Charming, very nice, not even a hair smarmy, and he remembers me, my dog, everything. I love people that are good at their job. He makes me want to rush online and place an $84,000 order. *sigh* But alas, my freezer isn't big enough.

So I cut school today. I haven't done that in years. I had an assignment due that was only half done, and I woke up early and still felt like hell. So I decided that just once, damn it, I was going to allow myself to cut and flake out on an assignment. I mean, I've gotten like 100% on all my assignments thus far, or damn near. So with one missing assignment I'll still be better off than most the class. Ya hear this? I'm rationalizing. And maybe it's the fatigue or overwhelming stress, but you know what? It's working. Yayyy!

So Winston knocked over a cup of coffee onto my light colored carpet. I thought I got it all up but when I got home I saw this massive stain. Niiiiice. Maybe I'll sell Winston and get a carpet cleaner!

OMG! I just watched the second most shocking episode of Queer as Folk I've ever seen! Ohhhh it was fabulous and depressing and wonderful. I so adore that show...

So my math assignment is halfway done but one of my favorite friends just came online...so I have to talk to her.

YUCK-O!!!! I haaaate my english class!!! Lame-o-rama. The good news is the blasted outline for the paper is done, and that's all I really had to do tonight. I don;t think it's A material, but I don't give a damn!!! DAHAHAHAHA!

Sweet Procrastination

I'm doing anything and everything I can to avoid doing the homework I need to do. I was supposed to have it done by now. In fact, I was supposed to have it done like FOREVER ago. HAHAHA! Maybe I should just make coffee and stay up late doing it. I feel like I really ought to get it done tonight. I can do the english if I really get with the program, but I don't think the math is going to happen 'til tomorrow. Coffee only does so much you know.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. I soooooo don't want to do this stuff! *cries* *whines* Won't someone pleaaaase write me a fabulous paper on the juvenile death penalty? And do a math assignment proving the trigonometric identities? And study for a psych test? And an ASL test, too? Please?!

Right. Didn't think so. *narrows eyes hatefully at all of you*

So I think I'm going to Missouri in a few weeks to check it out and see the school. I have a three day weekend with "travel" written all over it. The school looks lovely thus far. Essentially it's a done deal unless I loathe the place when I get there. I plan on applying as soon as I get my spring semester grades, and assuming they accept me (which I kinda think they will) I'll move in Janvier. I know it seems sudden to decide all of this. It kind of is and kind of isn't, actually. Like I said, I've wanted to be away from all familiarity (except Craig evidently, but he'll be on travelling assignments for the most part) for years now. And the last week's experiences have reminded me of exactly how much I want and need to do that. Craig's been offering me a place there for months, and it always sounded good but I'd gotten too comfortable (in a way) to really consider it. But all of a sudden I'm not so comfortable and it's actually feasible to do it. So we'll see. I need a new zip code.

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

music: Boulevard of Broken Dreams (my new fave)

I had an icky early evening last night. I hung out with the reason for my vague blogs, and it was unfortunately (and fortunately) enlightening. Don't ask me, I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say I did something I swore to myself and everyone else I'd never do, I learned about myself, and I think I figured out the person. Sorta.

Moving on...

So after my disappointing early evening I went out with Jason. It was fabulous, we had a lovely time as always. We talked about our situations, tried as only we can to figure them out (to no real avail), and just did our normal thing. During the course of the evening he came out with the most exquisite quote, my new favorite. He said:

"People say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. No it doesn't, it just fucks you up more!"

You know that's right. When you're younger and you get yourself through horrible things you congratulate yourself on your strength. As you get older though you begin to see that you get yourself through said horrible things only to move on to the next horror. It isn't nearly as entertaining. *sigh*

When I split up with K, all I wanted to do was move away from everything and everyone I knew. This desire hasn't really disappeared, it's sort of simmered beneath the surface of feasibility. I always have a lease, and I'm contracted to my company for the next year now. Blah, blah, blah. But the experiences leading up to and including last night reminded me just how much I want to get away.

Craig has a house in Missouri that he's willing to split with me. I know what you're all thinking. Julie in the mid-west? EGADS! But it's in the college capitol of Missouri, and he says it's a bastion of civilization, very similar to northern California. Perhaps nursing school in Missouri would be okay. And my rent would be like $2 a year compared to this place. And I'd still have Craig, part time. He's a travelling nurse, so he's probably going to be gone most of the time. Maybe not, I don't know. Either way it'd be nice. At any rate, it wouldn't be until maybe the end of the year, nothing to get too excited about right now I don't think. I'm going to go check out the school there right now...

looooovely............

WOOHOO! My lame-ass english teacher extended the due date for the outline on our research paper. This means that I don't have to limp through like 3 weeks of homework in an hour before work. This is such a good thing.

I'll be dipped in snot! It turns out I really haven't blogged since Sunday! Wowsers! Now maybe you're wondering, is she finally finished with that cryptic b.s.? Well I'm here to tell you...nope! There are several possible reasons for me not blogging as frequently and for being kinda on the vague side...first, I'm so stressed out I don't even know where to begin or I just can't deal with it. Before I get worried phone calls, this isn't it... Another option is that I'm too busy being deliriously happy, too busy with school and work, or not feeling well. A final option is that I am doing something that I don't want to deal with publicly yet. So which is it? *wink* Wouldn't you like to know?

So I'm now able to pull my hair back in pigtails, right? I'm tempted to believe it's cute, but ultimately I don't give a damn because it's ever so much more comfortable than wearing it down usually. And nearly everyone has been telling me how cute it is. Except Tia Marisol...evil. And Angie, come to think of it. They were making fun of me...blah.

We have a patient that is new to my shift. I think he's schizophrenic, I'm not exactly sure. Anywho, in true Julie fashion the freaks, weirdos and fuck ups of the world unite in their fascination with me, and said patient is no different. In fact, more than the usual disgust and aggravation at having to deftly maneuver around mentally ill pick-up lines, this guy actually scared me. He had this weird, psychotic way of speaking and if that wasn't bad enough, it was kinda breathy...eww. He's like, "you're so graceful..." all slow and weird...ACK! And when I took my hair down to fix it he's like "ohh you should leave it down...it's so beautiful. If you leave it down I'll take you to dinner." Okay. When he first said this he horrified me so that I took off as quickly as possible. Later, as I went out for dinner, I thought about it and in a scary kinda way, it's really very funny. I mean, can you fucking imagine? *sarcastically* Oh yes, I'll absolutely change myself to win a dinner with a mentally ill mountain man looking guy who lives (of course) in a psych hospital full time. What a prize! I'll tell ya', it all seems so worthwhile when you land one like this... Can you just IMAGINE?!?!?!?!?! *dripping sarcasm* Ooooh, if I leave my hair down all day maybe he'll share his dinner tray with me!!! He'd have to because he can't actually take me or anyone else to dinner. He can't leave the fucking premises! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I know, I know, it's hateful. I'm an evil heartless girl, yes. But the man genuinely scared me, he's the second psych patient I've treated in 6 years that's ever scared me. So you know what? If I can enjoy the absurdity of his pathetic little life I will, damn it.

I'm leaving, I need to go to bed...

Feeling slightly less cryptic. Just think, if you were here you could ask me a question and I just might give you a straight answer. HAHAHAHA!!! (crazed laugh) But you aren't! DAAAAHahahahahahaha!!! (evil laugh) *giggle*

So I started to watch the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. What a lovely idea. I could use it this weekend. Yes, sorry, I was being cryptic again. Anyway, everyone's told me what an absolutely gorgeous, exquisite movie it is. Well, I think I'm maybe 1/3 of the way through and you know what? So far it's lame. Really, it's disappointing as hell, rather aggravating to watch. I'm debating whether or not to even finish it. I'm kinda thinking no, I'll just skip on to the The Cat from Outer Space. Ahhh Disney....

I finished I Heart Huckabees and it was kinda weird, even by my standards, but I liked it. I think Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman absolutely made the film. Ducky.

Off I go to burn more cd's.

Have you ever loved someone from afar only to realize when you get closer they're just like everyone else? It sucks.

Confession was smashing. I was going to go to mass this morning and I got about halfway there before realizing the time had changed and I was too late. Ahh well. I went to the beach instead.

I'm kinda dreading work tomorrow. More than usual, haha.

Rather cryptic, aren't I?

Ohhhhh, egads.

So the weekend is interesting so far. Craig and I bet on the same side of something and we both lost. Boy, did we. *shakes head* Ohhhhhhhhhhhh did we... Is it good or bad though? I think bad, at least at this stage. But as a dear friend of mine said, only time will tell.

The good news, of course, is that my house is clean! Yayyy! And I killed off most of the weeds in the back yard. As soon as I get my gloves out of the dryer I'm going to plant the tomatoes, very nice. I can't wait to see how they turn out. Haha! Who's jumping the gun now? (Or again...) I should have said I can't wait to see if I can keep 'em alive. *smile*

The other day I woke up and Silver was laying right next to my pillow, and Lewis was laying right next to her. They weren't laying on their sides, they were laying with their legs and feet tucked under them, right? But Lewis had his arm around Silver. It was fabulous!!! They so were posing. I wanted to get my camera, but as I started to move, Lewis did too. It was waaay too cute, really.

So I'm going to go to confession this afternoon. I know this is going to 'rouse all sorts of comments from you kids, spoken or not. Haha! I don't care! *sticks tongue out defiantly* I haven't been in forever. Mae said that all you have to do to get to heaven is believe. She's right, but confession is good for the soul, the mind, and everything else that's miserable (and numb, all at once. How does that happen?). Also, the Pope's death and dying has gotten to me. I am, in spite of myself, a part of this massive family. I may be estranged, but I'm still part of it. Egads, I hope the priest's ears don't catch fire.

I Hate My Payroll People

For the second check in a row, the dolts at payroll have shorted me money. Smashing, no? I killed myself working extra days this past pay period. We all know how miserable and exhausted I've been. But is there a brief glimmer at the end of the rainbow? Hell no! I made approximately $30 more than if I'd worked my regular hours. Yippee!

Ohhh I so love downloading music. I'm trying to get some Evanescence at the moment but I've just gotten some Green Day, Stray Cats, and 3 Doors Down...smashing.

So most of today I was dying with a migraine, worsened only by the latest medication from le neurologist. Blah. How wretched.

Do you ever feel like you're missing out on what you need because you're blinded by what you want? Is the need any less necessary or the want any less valid for it? People always say "what you need and what you want are two different things." Does that imply irrelevence for my wants?

I've discovered that there is a patch of freeway on my way to work that inspires epiphanies. I can remember all sorts of fascinating self anaylsis over the years. Weird, huh?